After I wrote the Lady Gaga post a while back I started thinking of other lyrics that piss me off, I quickly wrote down a few and eventually kept adding onto it after hearing these “cool” modern songs on the radio.

“I wanna take a ride on your disco stick” – Love Game by Lady Gaga
Okay, I get it. It’s a penis. But there is no such thing as a “disco stick” nor is the song about a disco. Disco stick just sounds stupid, lyrics would work better if she just said “I’m a whore and I wanna take a ride on your dick!”

“I kissed a girl and I liked it” – I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry
It’s funny because a lot of guys are probably getting off at the image of Katy Perry making out with a chick. Lesbians also probably blast this song in their cars. The funny thing here Katy Perry isn’t even a lesbian, so much your ultimate fantasies. Besides, the internet is full of lesbians, you can just watch that.

“I’m so 3008 you’re so two-thousand and late” Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas
While this whole song is filled with retarded lyrics, this one line shines brighter than the other shit. Fergie, you’re so 3008? Tell me how does it feel to be so hip? I would really like to know. Wait what’s this? I am two-thousand and late? I am not hip like you? Ah shucks, I really wanted to be cool like you. Just fix the date on your iPhone, it’s 2009, not 3008.

“Cause it’s nine in the afternoon” – Nine In The Afternoon by Panic At The Disco
Yes Panic At The Disco, it totally is nine in the afternoon and my eyes are the size of the moon. “Oh, I can’t rhyme with evening, so let’s change “nine in the evening to nine in the afternoon.”

“My flow so tight and the beat’s so sick, Chris Brown should get his ass kicked” – My Flow So Tight by Smoke Jumpers
What the fuck does Chris Brown have to do with your flow? Way to use pop culture references to get yourself famous for a bit. That’s all that song was, a one hit wonder and the only reason it was popular was because of the Chris Brown line. No one will understand that joke in a year, and no one will listen to the song.

“Tell your boyfriend if he says he’s got beef, that I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fucking scared of him” – Don’t Trust Me by 3oh!3
Oh how fucking funny. Everybody laugh at the joke. Hahaha. However let’s take this seriously for a moment. Okay let’s not, it just sounds too stupid.

“Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long” – All Summer Long by Kid Rock
Alright, I already wrote about this a while back ago (pre comic SMYR era). But why the fuck would you include the name of the song you’re ripping off in the song itself?

“Uno, Dos, Tres, Catroce” – Vertigo by U2
Fuck you Bono, just because it’s not English it doesn’t mean that you can make up lyrics that don’t makes sense. (It means 1, 2, 3, 14 for anyone who doesn’t speak Spanish.)

“Hey hey hey I wanna be a rockstar” – Rock Star by Nickelback
Hey Chad, you already have all those things. What the fuck are you singing about? Oh right, you wanna be a ROCK star, not a fag with money.

“Blame it on the al al al alcohol” – Blame It (On The Alcohol) by Jamie Foxx
No, I’m gonna blame it on your shitty song writing.

“If I were a boy, I think I could understand” – If I Were A Boy by Beyonce
Straight from the asshole of feminism comes Beyonce and writes this song. All girls listen to the song and say “OMG IT’S SO TRUE.” No, Beyonce is just a whore who sleeps with the wrong guys. She then goes off and writes a sexist song how girls are superior to guys.

“If you can’t stand the way this place is, take yourself to higher places” –  Break by Three Days Grace
If you read this and don’t see what’s wrong with these lyrics have a listen to the song and see how incredibly redundant. Rhyming “placES” and “place IS” is just horrible writing.

Back when I first got my XPERIA I got a lot of comments on it. The ones that pissed me off the most were the ones saying “why the hell do you need a 600 dollar phone?” Well here’s the thing, I don’t NEED a $600 phone, but it’s a nice thing to have. For starters, I have the ability to check my email anywhere. If I am walking down the streets of Toronto and I get an email I can reply to it with no problem. I just pull the device out from my pocket, slide out the keyboard and begin writing. I can satisfy my Facebook addiction at anytime and I can read up on my favorite RSS feeds. Basically, it serves me as a really small laptop and sure, it’s never going to replace my Vaio, but for a quick task like posting a Facebook update the phone gets the job done.

But Matt, the iPhone is only 199 why not get that? No asshole, an iPhone with no contract is $680 for a new one. That’s even more expensive than my phone! If I wanted a contract I would have gotten one and gotten a better deal on my phone. It seems that a lot of people don’t understand telephone prices. They all don’t know that you CAN infact buy a phone without a contract and it seems like the $199 pricetag is only 199 and nothing else. Read the fine print. In order to get that price you have to sign a 3 year contract, and pay more than 60 bucks a month for service. You end up paying for more than what you need and end up losing money in the long run.

Moral of the story? Cellphones are bloody expensive and only have a ~500mhz processor*.

*On select phones.

One extremely controversial topic in today’s society is whether abortions should be legal or not. The fact that it is still an issue in today’s age is insane. Abortions should come to a point where they were a common practice and it should have been something that is not frowned upon. Yet you have these crazy people (followers of the Roman Catholic Church) who do everything in their power to stop all abortions from happening. They don’t do it out of their own will though. They go to a mass and they get told that abortions are evil and that they have to go rally at Parliament or else they are going to hell. Yeah, those Churches will do that.

One thing I was once asked while debating this topic “how would you feel if your parents aborted you?” I responded with “I wouldn’t feel anything because I wouldn’t have existed.” For some reason Catholics think that they can impose some feeling of guilt on me, how I’m supposed to feel empathy for the dying fetus. Yeah okay, that’s like feeling empathetic for an empty glass of orange juice. Consider this, would you rather live your whole life in poor living conditions: not having food, water, and bed. Or maybe you would rather have your parents ditch you at an adoption agency? I guess not existing looks pretty good right now.

Another silly thing I once heard is one person who said “I remember when I was in the womb.” Okay, because you can totally remember that fucking far. I am pretty sure that you are so far up the ass of your religion that you don’t know how to separate fact from fiction. You made up an image in your head, and eventually you started to believe that that image in your head is true. Your memory of the womb is nothing more than a picture from a sex ed book.

The problem most Catholics have with abortions is because they say it is killing a life. But the big question comes here, what is considered life? When is the fetus considered human? It’s a matter of opinion. But Catholics believe that non-baptized babies are all going to hell. So by the Catholic definition you are killing a sinner.

 In the end, the choice to get an abortion should be up to the mother. If a girl get raped and need an abortion they should be allowed to do so. If the girl is lazy and doesn’t use birth control she should still be able to decide whether she gets an abortion or not, even though it is because of her negligence that she got in this situation in the first place. If you are against abortions you should just shut the fuck up and not get one. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean that it should be illegal. As I mentioned in a previous blog, the only reason Catholics hate it because it kills their member list.

One thing I could never understand is those groups on Facebook that say “GOT A NEW PHONE, NEED NUMBERS.” Something like that is just ridiculous since it is basically a public database of phone numbers. I can view total stranger’s numbers. Sure they were meant for a certain someone to see, but shit happens when you post it in a public place. Next time do it over something that is a two way convo such as an email or an instant message. It seems people are forgetting what a “group” is, a group is not the same thing as a bulletin message. If you were in school you wouldn’t create a “I GOT A NEW PHONE AND NEED NUMBERS club.”  However safety and security isn’t the reason why I dislike those groups.

Why I dislike them is because instead of the person going through the contact list on their old phone and simply going through everyone they find is simpler to re-ask EVERYONE instead of the people they used to have. If the person was to go through their old phone to get the numbers they would have all of them right away, with Facebook a person might take a day, or even a week to give you that phone number. Modern and even older phones have an option to export your contact list, most often it is on a SIM card or sometimes it syncs with your Outlook contacts. If you can pull that off then you re-obtain all your contacts within a couple of seconds.  No matter how you do it it’s faster without Facebook.