So the other day I read some article about how Microsoft’s Kinect and Sony’s Move are coming out 6 months too early. This had to do with the amount of games available at launch. It seemed like the author wanted to have 30 games to play on launch. Oh heaven forbid that there are a few bad games on launch.

Both Sony and Microsoft did a good job of highlighting the games that will be using the technology. Some of which were playable on the show floor while others were not. It seemed that the author didn’t do his research, when he didn’t see the games on the show floor he assumed they don’t exist.

Besides, why would you need an assload of games on launch anyways? Chances are you’re going to buy one and play it for a couple of weeks and then move on to a second game.

So because of my Heavy Rain addiction I chose to do this weeks post on shitty games I’ve played in the past few years.

Assassins Creed
When I first heard of this game I thought it looked and sounded amazing. A parkour style gameplay, running around on rooftops and killing people. The promise was there and it was delivered, but I never knew that too much of a good thing can be bad for you. Doing the same thing over and over again got really boring really quickly. The game did not offer a fast travel system, and the amount of ways to kill people were very limited. This game quickly went on my shelf to collect dust and never be played again.

FarCry 2:
Another game that promised a lot and delivered it, but it wasn’t exactly the best thing in the world. It had a large open world with tons of scenery but it was all just for show. Being in the forests I expected lots of cover and being able to sneak up on enemies. I never got that, instead the enemies always knew where I was, and were shooting me from god knows where. Getting from point A to point B took forever, and when you finally got there, you died and had to do the whole thing all over again. And often when I was told to go to point B I died before I even got there. Here’s a tip, don’t make getting to the mission, a part of the mission.

Socom Confrontation:
Bugs, glitches, cheating, dare I say more?

As I’ve mentioned 4 times before, I hate the Wii. It’s market is filled with “casuals” who play ”games.” Bullshit, we all know the Wii has no games. Nintendo mentioned how there is a rise in female gamers. Arg, female gamers, a group of females who play video games. Now, that isn’t bad but these people go around and brag about it as if they won the lottery. Like holy shit, calm down it’s not like all guys run around and say “I AM A GAMER!”

So I check the Steam Fourms for female gamers “Video Games:Invented by Men & Perfected by Women!!” What the fuck? Are you saying you are some gift to the community. You are just like everyone else, but according to your stats, you suck.

Stop being an attention seeker, just quietly come into the community and stop bragging. Also if you do claim to be a female gamer, then you better not be a fucking casual. Casuals suck.

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So as the drawing states, today I went to school and decided to terrorize everyone. So I decided to do this videogame style. So I entered the school and suddenly got a random battle sequence. I was there facing 3 armoured enemies and we decided to use turn-based combat. I was outnumbered, I could not win. I was close to dying but then I had a potion in my inventory so I used it. I then defeated all the enemies, the battle was over and the victory fanfare played.

The above paragraph sounds pretty stupid doesn’t it? Well to some parents it might just show my insanity. In case you can’t tell what I am talking about, I am talking about relating school shootings to videogames. So suddenly killing terrorists by clicking a mouse is the same as firing a gun at real people. Video games offer a player the ability to do a lot of shit they are not able to do in real life. You will never get the chance to kill space Nazis in real life.

The reason videogames get blamed for all this crap is because parents don’t understand them. It’s easy to blame something you don’t understand. Remember how Evils was the music of the devil? Or how Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon because of Catcher in the Rye? People blamed that stuff because they didn’t understand it. Now what? We look at that now and we think it’s a joke.

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So we all play M-rated games. When we play them we expect blood, sexual content, and coarse language. It’s awesome, but recently I was playing some Counter-Strike and some killed me. I responded “you fucking  bastard” and I got kicked for swearing. I was really confused, I was playing an M-rated game, with an ESRB warning that said “content may change while playing online.” So people get offended when I swear, but they shoot others in the head with blood flying everywhere. It’s pretty stupid. There’s even Christian CS servers, it was really fun running around and saying “god doesn’t exist” but why the hell are Christians even playing CS?

That’s even more stupid is the whole Grand Theft Auto Hot Coffee issue. Basically there was a hidden part of the game that you can have sex with your dates. You don’t see any body parts or anything, but it still made headline news and Rockstar even had a program in which they paid you if got offended because of that scene. Parents were saying “oh I had no idea this scene was in the game, if I knew this game had sex, I wouldn’t have bought it for my son.” So I ask the question, WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY YOUR SON GTA ANYWAYS? It’s a game about killing and killing. One little thing like a sex scene and you fucking go crazy.

The point of the article is it’s an M-rated game, grow some balls and stop being offended with everything. After all the game is rated M for MATURE. You are hardly mature if you cry like you do.