So… iPhone 4 hit up Canada. Yeah, I picked one up. It’s a nice little device  and I’m having a blast with it but there is just one problem… Getting it was a pain in the fucking ass. I have waited in lines before and quite frequently they are painless. In fact, most lines are better than they actually appear to be. “Your wait time from this point is 60 minutes” says the sign at Canada’s Wonderland, yet 20 minutes later we are somehow on the ride. On hold for the credit card company and it says estimated wait time if 45 minutes, and eight minutes later I’m on the phone with someone I can hardly understand bitching about my statement. It’s beautiful because you are getting more than what you expected, you are actually pleased…

But what about the Apple line. Showing up early as fuck in the morning to get the jump on the line was apparently an idea shared by many. Estimates put about anywhere from 400 to 500 people in front of us at the most. You figure you have most of the store trying to sell this product, you could easily move through this line in a couple of hours. Oh, but this is using common sense. What ended up happening was a horror story.

Before the mall opened, the line was humming along at a snails pace. Slow, but we were making progress. Everyone started making introducing ourselves. Laptops were in abundance and Youtube’s data traffic was never higher. It was the greatest part of any line. Eventually the line stopped. It stopped period. It was not moving at all.

I went to see what was up, and asked the Apple rep what was going on. The Rogers servers were down, which is understandable due to the nature of the day. “But Nick, why was the line not moving if Bell and Telus were still able to activate phones?” Great fucking question, and it is one I asked. I was told that it was unfair to the Rogers customers if anyone else could get a phone while they were waiting, so in the spirit of fairness  we must all wait for our turn. It was at this time everyone was pissed, so free water was given out.

At this point of the line, most peoples laptops had already died out, so human interaction was necessary to fight off insanity. Problem is a bunch of fat Apple loving nerds arn’t the best company to keep for long durations, so people started taking breaks away from the line. Going off at 30 minutes or so at a time to get food. I heard a group of guys actually went off and saw a movie while a friend held their spots. How this sort of thing could happen, well, when a line doesn’t move for two and a half hours at a time people can go dick around forever and come back like nothing happened.

Rogers would constantly go down throughout the day, and line’s would stop. People would crowd around the front of the store, yelling for a solution. The most common, and sensible solution, was to give out a voucher to the Rogers people, guaranteeing them a phone but telling them to come the fuck back when the servers arn’t corked. An Apple employee actually said this was “illegal” due to “copyright law” and that if we were unhappy with it we should “contact our MP.” People were pretty pissed off.

Now, about 15 hours in we were told the store was closing, and they were handing out vouchers for people to come back the next day. What the FUCK?! We were not just told that it was illegal to do this, and in fact this solution would have solved all the problems. We went back the next day and walked out with a phone in ten minutes. Why? People could come at their leisure instead of waiting the hell in line to get their phone, thus no need to line up to guarantee themselves a fucking phone.

The whole experience sucked fucking dick. 15 hours for a piece of paper telling us to dick off cause the management couldn’t handle basic human beings properly. In my picture I show a picture of the line breaking off in weird, convoluted ways. That is exactly what the fuck happened. At one point we were standing IN FRONT of the Apple store walking AWAY from it to get closer to our phones. Then we stopped for three hours cause Rogers shat the bed. Why the fuck are activations, a process which takes significantly longer than buying a piece of hardware, in the same line as anyone else. Could you imagine going to fill up your tank of gas, and having to wait while people get their engines services? It would be complete horseshit. Yet 30 minute credit check and activations are piled in with hardware sales because they perceived it to be the same. It’s not the fucking same, it’s a piece of technology compared to negotiating a contract. A FUCKING CONTRACT.

What sucks is while we were all waiting in line for the iPhone and getting fucked over, normal customers were going in and walking out with Mac’s and iPods. Apparently, when the store “opened” they only had three people dealing with phones and the rest of the Macsperts were standing around looking important or helping give tutorials on how to Google on Safari.

I don’t know what blows more, the fact that a high tech, top end consumer and business electronics company can’t simply manage a line of people on their fourth iteration of the product, or that I was in line and wasted a fucking day of my life being angry with other angry people. Sure, it was nice to get off my fat ass and feel like I belong to some sort of community, but lets be honest, it was a waste of everyones time. I’m just shocked at the whole event.

Seriously, how do you fuck up a line?

The other day I came across some photos on Flickr about some high school girl trying to be artistic and show how stereotypes aren’t real. Shocking isn’t it? It’s a concept that never was done before… UNTIL NOW. As I was looking through them I got more and more angry. Eventually my rage built up enough to bother writing an article about this chick.

Elizabeth Grace is a student living in Atlanta, Georgia (and I know who you are, because I backtraced it). She is a self thought photographer and fucking philosopher.

“I’m emo, so I must cut my wrists
Anyone can self harm & depending on the circumstances some feel like they have a legit reason for doing so. It’s a common misconception to believe that all emo people cut themselves, when really the meaning of “emo” just means emotional. “Emo” is a stereotype. Not all people who are “emo” slit their wrists. Self injury is a sign of a deeper psychological problem. This can range from depression to attention seeking.”

This is where she is wrong, emo isn’t short for emotional. It’s short for “emotionally hardcore” which is based on a musical genre and its cult. By definition every human is “emotional” we are all capable of feeling love, hate, anger, pride, and jealousy. We aren’t mechanical. We all feel, though some of us can’t express our feelings without going to the extremes. As such, we have the “hardcore” individuals who believe that physical pain will solve their emotional pain. There was a rule back when I was in high school, “scene kids are just like emos, except they don’t cut themselves.” And so, all emo kids cut themselves, the ones that don’t are scene.

“I’m religious, so I must shove my beliefs down your throat
People often view religious people as “overpowering” or think of them as “they make themselves look better than others.” People also try and stay away from religious people due to the stereotype of “they think the religious person will try and make them believe in something your not sure about.” When in all reality, they are just faithful people.”

I’m not sure if you know this, but in order to be seen as a true follower by the church one must convert as much people as possible. How many times have you had Jehovahs come up to your door and talk to you about the “good word of god.” They don’t do this for shits and giggles, their church tells them to do it. Likewise with Roman Catholics, I’ve had neighbours coming to my door and asking me about my faith. Religion is mostly about getting more numbers, Roman Catholics are supposed to have like 14 kids. I could go into a bigger rant about religion, but this is not the time.

“I speak my mind, so I must be a bitch
Many people get stereotyped as rude or mean due to the fact they speak the truth. Honesty is looked up to by many people, but others strongly disagree.”

Pardon me, but if you go up to someone and call him ugly or fat then yes, you are a bitch. Honesty is a good virtue to have. But there is an appropriate time for positive criticism. Say you’re walking behind some old person with a cane, out of politeness you won’t yell “get out of my way you slow old guy” to them. Also, you’re*.

“I’m a female gamer, so I must be tomboy
We all know that girls play games. They play “hardcore” games, “casual” games, strategy games, adventure games, fighting games, all the time every day. Can we stop with the “girl gamer” nonsense? Girls shouldn’t be stereotyped as tomboys for their love for video games.”

I personally never heard the “tomboy” stereotype. However I did hear about the “girl gamers play casual” and “are attention whores.” I wrote about these quite a while ago and Elizabeth here has proved both stereotypes exist and are in fact true. She plays games like Petz Dogz 2, Hanna Montana, and NCAA Football. She doesn’t seem like much of a gamer judging by these pictures. You would think that she could have at least shown Halo or Call of Duty to emphasize her point. Nope. If girls were really gamers they would just play, and not say “OMG LOOK AT ME, I LIKE PLAYING GAMES, I’M SINGLE BOYS ;-)”

“I’m a cheerleader, so I must be a whore
It’s actions, not clothing, that makes someone a slut/whore. Stereotyping a female who simply loves the sport and does it for fun, as one who sleeps around, isn’t right.”

Quite provocative does Elizabeth look in this picture, don’t you think? It seems that she is looking for something. Could it be attention? Yup. There is a great comment on this picture already. It’s a reference to a Dave Chappelle skit, where he talks about being dressed as a police officer. Some girl asks him for help and he says “Oh no, I’m not a police officer, I’m just dressed this way.” It’s true, dressing a certain way doesn’t automatically make you a whore. But you have to realize that people can be mistaken, especially when 90% of your breasts are exposed. Men are stupid, stop trying to trick them.

To be an organic food, the food had to be grown without the use of pesticides or any other chemicals or preservatives. So you pay 2 bucks more for an apple that will rot faster than any other one. People seem to think that pesticides are so harmful to you that you should avoid them at all costs. Bullshit, I don’t eat organic food and I still alive. Sure, I am not going to go inhale some pesticide, that would be pretty stupid. But pesticides prevent my food from being eaten by insects, so what’s the harm in that? I’d much rather have a controlled environment where each apple is as good as the last one instead of having a bunch of fucking wild cards.

So to the people who buy organic food, why the hell do you pay extra for something that isn’t as healthy as you think it is?

Click to view full image.

Ah it’s about time I cover potheads. Yes, contrary to whatever they say weed makes you stupid. Let me just get this off my chest right now. Most people just smoke weed to be cool, it’s a whole issue of it being illegal and bad. If weed was legal then less people would do it.  Here are a few examples of some quotes I found on a LEGALIZE WEED group on Facebook.

Joe Strange of Assumption of Catholic Secondary School
if god didn’t like it, he wouldn’t have made it ;)
that’s how i see it hahah :D
There is no god, and just because “god made it” doesn’t mean you should get high off it. You know, I heard people get high off smelling shit (search Jenkem.) Shit is god given too, maybe you should get high off it.

J-Rad Camp of Sudbury, ON
1. weed may be in the body during a car crash, but tests have proven weed makes you a more cautious driver.
Yeah, MY ASS. The point of smoking weed is to make you feel fucked up. The problem with driving while impaired is that YOU THINK that you are driving properly but you aren’t.

Samantha Lee Cowie of M.M. Robinson High School
i think weed should be legal .
…i blaze and im 15
 I guess you really want to fit in at High School. So you only smoke weed because it is cool right?

Michael Stein of Central Technical School
yo ur dumb bro weed does no long term effects 2 ur brainif ur gunna talk shyt bout weed try reading a few books on it instead of listening to all the government bullshyt
Weed certainly isn’t helping YOU at English. Weed DOES have long term effects. How about YOU read some books about shit other than weed and expand your knowledge.

Hunter Racho of Kitchener, ON
i’m curious if weed is a “controlled” substsance then why can i go to my friends house and buy as much as i want, where as i cant buy anything with alcohale in it unless its in a grocery store
You can’t buy alcohol in a grocery store. Maybe if you stopped smoking weed and did something in life you would have known that.

Brendan Smalls Riley of Saunders Secondary School
DECRIMINALIZE. FUCK LEGALIZING.
Fuck paying government taxes.
If you’re in Canada, next election vote NDP. They plan on decriminalizing.
So you are putting the future of Canada in the hands of bunch of idiots. So the priority in your life isn’t to live in a good country, but it’s to get high as often as you can? You do know that the only reason NDP even has it on their agenda is to get votes from faggots like you.

Christine Scharlach of Grand River Collegiate Institute
So, I was just thinking….Who is the government to decide wheather or not weed should be illegal? If we want to smoke it, it should be 100% OK. It’s not effecting them. They arnt getting high. If they dont want to smoke weed then good for them! But these are our own lifes and we should be abale to do what ever we want, within reason!
Gee, maybe because the Government DOES choose whether something should be legal or not. I could say I like killing people but that doesn’t mean I can.

So there you have it, actual opinions of potheads. So it’s not the pot I hate, it’s the people. If you smoke weed once or twice a month good for you. But once you start smoking it everyday and suddenly form this lifestyle out of it then you have a problem. One of the biggest lies I was ever told was “weed isn’t addicting.” Yes, that is why you spend ALL your time either smoking it, talking about smoking it, or reading about smoking it. You suddenly let weed to be the dominate focus in your life. If that is not addiction then I don’t know what is.

Oh, and don’t give me this bullshit that weed has health benefits. You CLEARLY aren’t smoking it because you’re sick.

Click to view full image.

Cars have been around for a while right now. They’ve come a long way since the Ford Model Ts, hell who would have thought that we could one day actually go over 100km/h? This is not going to be a rant about the American auto industry. I bet you’re already tired of hearing about that. This rant is about Hybrid cars, and how they suck.

The first point is that owning a Hybrid car suddenly became a fashion statement. Buying a Hybrid now is like buying a Mac, people only do it for style points. Remember how getting a Corvette or something a while ago meant you have a small penis? Well it is kind of the same thing right now for Hybrid cars. So you have a Hybrid car? Good for you, I am sure that thing will be a pussy magnet, while YOU still won’t be.

The next point is the whole “I am helping the environment” aspect is total bullshit. What, you think that you are better than me because your car uses less gas? Suck my ass, at the end of the day nothing changed. The temperature is still the same, the environment hasn’t changed just because you bought a Hybrid. The only thing that has changed is the fact that you are acting like a total asshole believing you are superior than the rest of the world. Newsflash buddy, you are still driving a car. You have got to love the car companies. They have finally found a way to make money off you environmentalists. Feel happy that you are not using the earth’s precious oil? Try searching for some of the rare materials needed to make a hybrid.

I can go ahead and say this right now. Hybrid cars suck! Why do you think they don’t use them for racing or even for the police? Well, this might be shocking for you but it’s because they are slow and not powerful at all. Enjoy your shitty car. You environmentalists should just fuck off and walk to work because the bus, the subway, and even making your bike all takes up energy.

Click to view full image.

Ah I love coffee, I could drink it every day for the rest of my life. Back when I went to US for a week my coffee addiction kicked the shit out of me. For you see, here in Canada we have a Tim Hortons at every street corner. It’s awesome, I pay 2 Canadian dollars and I get the largest coffee they have. I go to Starbucks and I have to fork out nearly 5 dollars. So I had a week off from coffee, and it wasn’t too pleasant.

Aside from Starbucks being expensive as fuck, there are other reasons why it sucks nut sacks: Macfags. Yes, it seems hipsters think sitting around in a coffee shop, on their Macs drinking coffee is so cool. There are usually clusters of them, at every Starbucks. So what do these Macfags do? They sit around drinking the same coffee for ever, talk about some book they probably never read, and listen to the strange Starbucks CDs to support “indie” artists. These hipsters also think they are doing some change in the world because “Starbucks doesn’t use slave labour.”  I don’t know if these people are trying to be mature by drinking coffee but I think they do. Here’s a tip: drinking coffee does not make you mature. Don’t believe me on this whole Macfaggotry at Starbucks deal? Apple teamed up with Starbucks to give iPod/iPhone users free WiFi.

Oh, I am not done complaining about Starbucks yet. I actually bought coffee from there once, I was treated with some of the worst service ever. I go there and I ask for a “Large Mocha” and the guy looks at me like I was fucking retarded. He guy didn’t know what I wanted. It later turned out that I should have said “grande cafe mocha.”  Oh, because that is a HUGE difference. I paid the 5 bucks and left the store.

Another point about Starbucks that drives me nuts is the whole “our coffee was not made by slaves.” I couldn’t care less how it was made. I just want to fucking drink it. Face it, Starbucks coffee is just more expensive because of the name. And just like Apple, they can get away with it because hipsters will still buy it. Starbucks makes a fortune selling hipsters coffee.

Now Tim Hortons? It has a different way of attracting people. There are specific groups that go to different Tim Hortons. There is a Tim Hortons that Ricers like to go to. There is a Tim Hortons Blacks like to go to and there is a Tim Hortons that factory workers like to go to. But still Tim Hortons has some of the best coffee, for some of the lowest prices.

So there you have it, Macfags buy anything that is labeled as “premium” and “unique.” By the way, here is the link to the whole Starbucks helps the community crap. http://www.starbucks.ca/en-ca/_Social+Responsibility/

Click to view full image.

So it’s Earth Hour and hipsters everyone are turning off their lights and trying to save the environment. Woohoo, turning off your lights makes a huge impact. I do that everyday, I sit in my dark room and listen to music. Now what gets me the most is the ad I’ve seen on the TTC for it. “The one day when sitting in a dark room alone isn’t creepy.” Now I have no idea how the meant us to interpret this, either they meant it in a horror movie type of deal or they meant it in a person with no friends.

If it is the second choice they kind of have their head up their own ass. If I am eco friendly and turn off my lights everyday then I am creepy? Awesome, job there. I guess I am only cool if I be eco-friendly on Earth Hour. If you are participating in this crap I hope you have fun twittering. After all, on the website it tells you to document the event as it is happening. So I will do that:

8:30PM: Lights are off, have nothing to do except browse the internet.
9:00PM: Got a craving for coffee, made some. Shit tastes good in the dark.
9:30PM: Lights are off, have nothing to do expect browse the internet.

So what did I learn today? For the first time ever sitting in a room without the lights on means I am a hipster. I feel so dirty.

Click to view full image.

So here’s  my story, I was sitting around and watching the TV. All I see is a commercial for a Mac, not the first time I seen one, but this is the first one where they don’t talk about what the computer can do itself. Instead of saying that it’s better than Windows, Apple went out and said how green it is. The laptop is made from 100% recyclable material, contains no toxic chemicals, and can run on the power of 1/3rd of a light bulb. First of all, the light bulb think is a fucking lie, if it was true than the Mac in theory could have 20+ hours of battery life. That is not the case. Secondly, I don’t care if my computer is recyclable, but I rather care about how it performs.

 You sold me Apple, your target audience is clearly hipsters. At least on the plus side, you can recycle the Mac after buying a new one next year.

Zeitgeist also introduces a bunch of bullshit ideas that it wants to introduce. The first one is a money free society. While this might be a good idea to those in debt, to me it sounds like a bunch of bullshit. Would you work for the hell of it and not get paid? This today is known as volunteering, and it is pointless. Okay, so you got free energy from the sun to operate your machines, you still need someone to build those machines. There would always be a need for a human somewhere, and humans will not do any work without exchange for something. While some people might work for respect, others will refuse to work for that.

By far, the dumbest thing Zeigteist has introduced is a cross-continental lightrail system. Sure, a brilliant idea, however there’s no way you can build that. If you try and build it on the water, the weather will get in the way. You can’t build it on land because it won’t fucking fit. Underwater? Whirlpools exist, and they’ll fucking destroy your lightrail.

Sure, the ideas that Zeitgeist gives you might be brilliant if you are an artistic fuck or an environmentalist wacko. It is a failed idea obviously, that’s why it wasn’t introduced.

Toronto, is a beautiful city at night, the lights alone are quit appealing and Yonge-Dundas Square looks amazing at night. So here comes this art festival and people run straight to it for some reason. Some of them are probably going to get high and go see it. Some of them classify themselves as artists, so they have to go in order to get inspired.

“Oh shit, the light’s have been rearranged in the form of an eye, that’s fucking beautiful.” Fuck installation art, fuck modern art. It seems that even the biggest retard in the world can make something that everyone can enjoy. You can even add some bullshit description about it so it could be about racism. For example:

In school we had to do a art installation piece so some of my classmates decided to do a bunch of squares, circles, and triangles. When the time came to write a description they were confused. They just did it because it looks cool. I gave them the first thing that came into my head “it shows how everyone can live together, it doesn’t matter of their gender, race, or religion.” What came out of it? They got a good mark! For absolute bullshit.

Art will always be something about opinion, then there are going to be the people who are old fashioned and walk around in a museum saying “indeed.” However there’s going to be these new wave artists who think it’s artistic to throw a brush onto a canvas. I never classify any of the work I do as art, I just classify it was work.

Too Long Did Not Read: Newfags can’t do art.