So if there is one phrase that means that some  bad shit is coming up, it’s “I don’t mean to be gay but…” Whenever I hear that I just know that the following sentence is going to be something extremely gay. Sometimes I have no warning, sometimes someone just says some gay statement followed by “no homo.”

Let me go back about a week. I was sitting at a bar with a buddy of mine. Beside me there was this one guy, I’m guessing he was about 21 years old. Anyways, I order my beer and he says “hey man, great choice.” Fine, a little chatter doesn’t hurt me. However an hour later I’m guessing he was pretty trashed. The guy taps my shoulder and says “hey man, I think you’re fucking hot, no homo.” No homo? That’s pretty damn gay. You can’t use “no homo” as an undo button. You fucking said that, and there’s no taking it back. “But Matt” you might say “the guy was drunk and didn’t know what he was talking about.” Bullshit, when people are drunk they don’t come up with completely random things to say. They say things that they thought about when they were sober, but didn’t have the balls to say.

The thing is, I’ve heard people say “no homo” even when they weren’t intoxicated. They said an extremely gay comment, and they tried to take it back by saying “no homo.” Fuck, that shit is disturbing. If you say those kinds of things out loud, I can only wonder what you think of inside your head. That stuff is probably gay as fuck.

And if you are gay, then the “no homo” thing doesn’t apply to you. Since you have a reason to say that. Perhaps the people who say “no homo” are probably still stuck in the closet.